word of mouth

I was laughing about this at my book club last night. One mom told me how she was teased for telling her son to "put the soybeans back in the freezer." Her friend didn't know anyone else with soybeans period...My friend is on the 'granola' side being healthy and clean and an awesome cook. Then another friend added her story about overhearing "No you can't play with flaming balls!" Don't know the history but isn't it great to know you're not the only one saying crazy things while on the phone?

I swear it is always when I'm on the phone when I have to say - HEY! Cool It, Calm Down, Get Down, Stop, Don't! etc. etc.

mmm...tastes like chicken

I don't know why, but Megan is my best material for this stuff...

Yesterday on the phone:

"STOP LICKING MY ELBOW!"

I knew immediately that it must be Seth.

Though Rick would have been my second choice.

Stop, with the elbows, and the licking...

So yeah, I swear, I say all my weirdest stuff on the phone with Beka. Or at least she's the one who catches it. Maybe other people are just too nice to point out that I say bizarre things to my bizarre kids on the phone. Not that Beka's not nice...just that she understands. She understands that when I say:

"Will you quit licking my elbow already?"

that I am probably talking to one of my munchkins. And she guessed right, it was Seth.

And, NO, it was not Rick. Beyond that, I have no explanation. Seth's a weird kid.

head games

Talking to Megan on the phone:

"Yah, lemmie see; I've got Amy's number right...

Rick, could you get this girl off my head?"

Sometimes when I'm in line at the grocery store and I need a good laugh I just remember my mental image of that moment and it brightens up my day. It's my new happy place. Like the circus--to go.

mmm....butter

Macee...don't eat the butter!!!!!

Not the brightest bulb on the tree

Hey, I'm not sure this one really counts, because it wasn't something I said to Hannah while I was on the phone, but I'll share it anyway. I'm really dusting off the old memory books for this one. We had just moved to Salt Lake. Our Hannah was just one year old at the time. We wanted to go to a movie. We had met some friends in our apartment complex, and they offered to keep Hannah while we saw the movie. I was a little nervous because we had never left Hannah with anyone but family before...Rick chided me and told me that I was being overprotective and all that...well, we had just bought our tickets when my cell phone rang. It was Jesse, our baby sitter. It was hard to hear in the lobby of the movie theatre...so I was pretty much yelling the whole conversation...(like that would help...) And I hear Jesse say,

"Megan, I don't think you need to come home, or anything, but Hannah ate a light bulb."

I was pretty sure I hadn't heard correctly, so I screamed into the phone,

"Hannah ate a light bulb???"

and the whole lobby turned and looked at me in horror.

But don't worry, it was only one of those long-lasting, energy efficient, mercury lined light bulbs that are shaped like ice cream cones...and Jesse was "relatively" sure that she didn't swallow any of the glass...so it's all good.

Hmmmm, perhaps that could explain some of Hannah's bizarre behavior...

Poison Control

Many of you may recall the story of Seth swallowing the magnetic marbles. Well, I was on the phone with a friend of ours when he actually swallowed the things. In fact, the reason why I didn't tell him to get the marbles out of his mouth was because I was attempting to practice proper telephone etiquette and wait until I was off the phone to yell at my kid. HOwever, once he swallowed, I forgot my manners altogether, and yelled into the phone:

"Did you just swallow that?"

and my friend just mumbled a confused "um....what?...noooooo"

and I screamed again

"Did you seriously just swallow that?"

I did apologize to Aaron for yelling in his ear, and he apologized for laughing at me.

And then I hung up and called poison control.